Aside from being the home base of my “professional” author platform, this is also my personal website. Therefore you will, from time to time, encounter posts and other content which are more aligned to my personal/private life than to my strictly professional one.
This is one of those posts.
It is not intended to be a whining pity-party, but simply an opportunity to get something off my chest, while giving readers a peek into my private life. So, here we go…
Tragically Unrealized Love.
I think few things in this world are nearly as tragic as a love which goes unrealized, un-actuated. A love which just struggles and squirms against the bonds of some force — for instance, distance — and never manages to overcome those bonds. A love which grows on the branch but never ripens to the sweet fruit it could potentially be; instead just sitting there green and unripened for the rest of eternity.
No, indeed, few things in this world are so tragic, and yet I find myself in a situation which is dangerously teetering on the precipice of becoming such.
You see, I am in love. I am in love with the most beautiful soul I have ever known, and that soul is in love with me as well. We’ve been talking and exchanging pictures and videos and becoming more and more emotionally bonded to and invested in each other for most of the past FOUR YEARS.
In those four years, we’ve encountered and worked through a waxing and waning of our relationship. We’ve each dated others. Each of those others turned out to be catastrophically bad decisions which ruined our respective lives. Things change, our lives rise and fall like the tide, and we drift back to one another. Four years later, we love each other more than ever, having learned from our mistakes and realized how beautiful our emotional connection is.
But we’ve still never met in person.
Why, you ask?
I’m in New Jersey, in the United States… and the love of my life is in Mendoza, Argentina. A distance of about 4,975 miles (8,006 km) separates us, and it’s a distance we’ve struggled for quite some time to bridge and overcome. At the moment, however, we’re no closer than we’ve ever been. Neither of us can afford to travel to the other. Neither of us can presently afford to relocate to be with the other. And this, my dear readers, is where the fear of stagnation and tragically unrealized love comes into play.
Am I Alone?
How many of us have been in this situation? How many of us have been so in love with someone we couldn’t hold in our arms? How many of us have had beautiful, unconditional love dangling before us, just out of our reach?
Plans for the Future.
We always say we’re going to get married. But first, we have to meet in person. We talk about our plans for the future, living together, starting a business together, mastering each other’s respective languages, immersing ourselves in each other’s respective cultures. But first, we have to meet in person.
Am I a fool? Have I fallen into a situation which is hopeless? I think not. I hope not. But at the same time, it’s a daily struggle to be so far apart. To not hold the love of my life in my arms is torture. To not be there when the person I love needs me feels like I’ve failed.
For now, all I can do is keep working. Keep trying to scrape money together to pay for travel, so that we can be together. Until that happens, we’re under the straining pressure of distance as we try to hold our relationship together.
Until we meet in person, I will keep loving this perfect soul, this angel — my Gabriel — from afar. Some day, I will hold him in my arms.
Tell me what you think.
Tell me how you feel.
I want to know.